The thoughts in my head
I haven’t ranted in a while, but as I sit in this coffee shop reading articles on oppression, existentialism, and what it means to be in cultural encapsulation I find myself having emotions stirred up and thoughts racing through my head in which I have no one to have discourse with, let alone know someone near me who knows what a two way conversation is like.
Where the hell did the break in society come from? How fucking hard is it to just not be self absorbed for 30 minutes and have an actual conversation happen or just to be nice to another human being. I sat here and watched two people at a table. Person A was trying to talk and be engaged with person B, while person B merely responded with “Yeah.” “mhmm” “hah” “yeah” over and over again while consistently checking his Instagram every 5 minutes to see what earth shattering photo or comment had been shared. Don’t get me wrong, social media can be a great way to stay connected, but it’s not where we find connection. In fact, it allows us to chase an illusion of being connected that is never truly fulfilled. You’re just chasing an abstract illusion that someone posted at an arbitrary time that you will never connect with.
How many profound life changes and experiences have come from Facebook or Instagram or Twitter? Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure it has, can, and will happen. Yet, I’m willing to bet a large majority of them come from having an profound moment or experience with yourself or another human being in the “Real World.” No, not like the one on MTV, but the fucking world we have to go into everyday where real shit happens with real people and real emotions. Wake up God damn it!
Don’t get me wrong,I like a good escape as much as the next person. It has come to a point where the real escape is being in the real world. Where if you live in the moment and you try to engage, you are now isolated and shunned because it interrupts someone from updating their feed. How fucked up is that?
What happened to being there for each other and comrade? Everyone is so self-centered and monolithic in their way of thinking and viewing the world that it is literally killing us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as guilty, but I’m acknowledging my faults and working (actually doing fucking work) on change. What do most people do? Nothing. They deny it and escape, and what does it do? It kills our happiness, our social ability, our cognitive awareness, our emotions, our compassion, and most importantly, our hope. What do we have left after that? Is that the world you want to live in? Cause I sure as hell don’t.
How hard is it to be honest with each other. To be honest with out feelings and our intent?
I’m so tired of people wanting someone else to fix their problems, or making excuses, or just talking to talk. A tree will always be a tree, but humans have a new face every day. What happened to integrity and responsibility? It took me a long time for this stuff to sink in, but it’s a lesson we all need to wake up and learn. There is no trust or meaning when there is no integrity behind the mask that makes the deal. Again. I’m guilty of all these faults, but now that I’m aware and changing. It makes me so frustrated to be stung by the lessons other people still need to learn.
Life has taught me many lessons lately. I can’t fix other people. I can’t control other people. I can’t control life. I can’t control the weather. I can only take care of and control myself, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have and show compassion and care for other people, but in showing that care, I don’t have to take on and fix peoples problems. The rule of counseling teaches us that we shouldn’t work harder than our clients. And I think that should ring true for life in general. Don’t invest all your energy into empty things that keep draining you.
It’s amazing how many people I only hear from when something goes wrong, when they need someone to talk to, or they need help. Where has this emotional selfishness coming from? I know it’s in part my responsibility to set healthy boundaries, but where is the self awareness accountability on the other end?